Trying to understand the thoughts that keep emerging inside our minds can be one of our biggest struggles when it comes to bug chasing. We use our mind constantly to make all sorts of decisions on a daily basis, so our cognitive function is the most important tool required for decision making, which is why your brain needs to be in the right gear for you to be able to take the next step. When I launched this website a year ago, I decided that the content wasn’t going to be all about me, but I do sometimes allow the articles to explore the way I think, as I try to understand my identity better, because achieving clarity about bug chasing is an important milestone on a bug chaser’s journey.
I feel like the first anniversary of launching this website is the perfect time to think back to the day when I published my first article, which was 50 articles ago and look at where I’m at today. Some of these reflections might have striking similarities for others who are also in a similar position as I am in right now. You might recall that on this exact day one year ago, I published the article Inside My Head: Thoughts from a Curious Chaser. The aim of that article was to put my thoughts onto paper (or an electronic document), so I could look at my thoughts directly in front of me. When thoughts are swirling around inside your mind, it’s easier to calm these thoughts by taking notes so you can see where you’re at.
When something is in front of you in written form, it’s easier for you to focus on what is before you, as all your attention is focused on this one thing, whereas if you keep thinking about the thoughts that are swirling around inside your mind, you won’t make as much progress and it can lead to confusion or an unclear direction you need to take. This is because there’s most likely not just one thing you are thinking about, there are probably many questions entering your mind simultaneously that you’re trying to find answers for. So writing down everything that comes to your mind about bug chasing is my first recommendation, as I have found this technique extremely helpful.
Something else I have found beneficial is to take your time. In the beginning of my journey of self-discovery, I felt as though I needed to rush into making a decision, but in the end, this just created an enormous amount of pressure and it wasn’t helpful at all, which can lead to you taking longer for you to understand yourself. I can appreciate if we make a decision to start actively chasing, then we might think to ourselves that we should have just made this decision a long time ago, but not everyone will make the choice to chase. Some of us who feel spiritually connected to bug chasing might decide that chasing is not for us, or we might not be ready yet, which is perfectly fine as well.
There are two defined steps involved with bug chasing. The first step involves thinking, which can the most stressful part if you are a deep thinker and explore every facet of bug chasing meticulously and the second part involves taking action, whether this action is to commence your chase or to abandon the idea for the time being or even indefinitely. For some people, bug chasing is just a fantasy and that’s perfectly fine, providing those who are role-playing or exploring their fantasies are not misleading anyone into thinking they are actively chasing or wasting other people’s time by misleading or ghosting them. We all need to know where we are at and for some people who feel connected to the virus, taking the risk by becoming HIV+ might not be something that’s right for them.
We all have different comfort levels, which can also impact the speed of the decision making process. Some people are too nervous to ride a rollercoaster, because of the height, speed and intensity of the experience, but for others, they thrive on the adrenaline rush that comes from enjoying the thrill seeking adventure. The same thing can be said about bug chasing, because it involves making a serious decision that can have a lifelong impact, as there’s no cure for HIV at this time, only a treatment that can in most cases provide HIV+ individuals with a life that’s on par with those who are HIV-. We all have different thresholds when it comes to risk analysis, so for some people, they might be more than happy to take a risk and accept what happens afterwards, whereas others are more analytical and want to know as much about what might happen in the future, so we know more about what to expect once it does happen.
On a personal note, in the past year I have come a long way, but I’m still not quite ready to take the next step, which is fine in my opinion, as I still believe in what I want and know will happen in the future. The thoughts that first entered my mind many years ago have never disappeared, so I believe the only way I can fully process these thoughts is to take the next step once I am ready. I am inching closer to the day when I will be confident enough to take the next step, but that time is not today. We only live one life and we are on this planet for a short period of time, so I believe that if I’ve had bug chasing instincts with me for so long, where these thoughts have become a part of my identity and I never act on them, this is something I may regret.
The mind is an extremely powerful part of our body, as it controls our decision making, which then leads to everything else we do from this point forward. You are most likely reading this article because you are connected to bug chasing and have an interest in HIV and you might even be struggling to understand this issue right now. The need to understand why you feel this way is something that just about every bug chaser will experience during their life, which is why we need to do our very best to understand why we have these thoughts and feelings as we try to figure out whether we are prepared to accept the consequences of taking the next step. You cannot move your foot forward to take the next step until your mind tells the key parts of your body to make this movement, which is why it’s so important for you to get your brain into the right gear if you want to take the next step or if you choose to stay where you are.
Featured Photo: Dante T. from Pixabay.
Article ID: CC050
Version Control: 1.0 – October 11, 2022: Original article published.
This… makes a lot of sense. When i first found out about bugchasing, i really didn’t want to believe it. I was disgusted, even. But then i found myself on twitter, looking at random posts and realizing… huh. I like this. A lot.
And then over the years, it just got more and more intense. As of a couple of months ago, it’s become overwhelmingly intense. But i have to calm myself down and realize that i have to play the long game. Even if it feels right, even if it feels perfect- i need to think logically before doing something like this.
Thank you for putting basically my own thoughts into this post. x)
im finding the thought of chasing poz sperm as a most horny thing to do . from this year am going to take loads and
My very first thought after learning about men who get pozzed on purpose was “Why do they do this?” That one thought led me down a road of chatting with chasers and toxic men and as well as people who didn’t search for it but are very happy that it happened and even saying it’s the best thing that’s happened to them. Seeing so many positive responses to becoming poz and especially from gifters who love staying toxic pigs and seeing in my own gay and kink experiences in real time with real life poz men how much of a good thing it became to them changed my point of view to where I started fantasizing about it and over time those fantasies became a desire the more I learned. Now years later I’m to a point where I can’t deny my desires to be a poz pig are real and I want it to happen. Poz men have told me how it changes them for the better especially spiritually and sexually. Some even find being poz to be religious in some ways. That it increases your sex drive by a lot and make you open up to more types of sexual gratification and make so of the sensations more intense like a non stop insatiable natural high. I recently seen a reason article about a scientific study that confirmed that HIV did actually on a scientific level make men hornier and have a more intense experience. They it’s like the HIV does that to actively encourage the riskier sexual behavior within men and its a part of the way HIV naturally progresses by using the men’s sexual body functions and increasing them to the viruses benefit to thrive and be stronger so that makes sense. And poz men seem to love that and I want to experience that and the poz brotherhood connection
I was the same at the beginning, where I felt scared of the virus and I also couldn’t understand why someone would want to contract a virus that has no current cure. Fast forward a few years and I found myself intrigued by it and now I’ve reached the point where I am embracing it and feeling comfortable with where I’m at right now. It sounds like you have experienced a very similar thought process and I also did the same thing as you by reaching out to poz guys to ask questions and find out what it’s like to be poz, including those who were bug chasers and those who weren’t and it was extremely rare to come across someone who didn’t like being poz. That’s when I started wondering whether everyone was being truthful, but being HIV-positive does seem to create a sexual energy that makes you want to experience it. I have also read the study about being HIV-positive resulting in an increase in sexual drive, which supports what people are saying. I hope you’re enjoying your experience and thanks for your comment and sharing your insights, it’s really appreciated.
That’s cool to know you have had the same experience. And no problem this is a good website that talks about the poz community in the correct light cause I feel like the poz community gets demonized because of people’s fear about gift giving and bug chasing. People need to know that there are gifters that are caring and really good people and people need to understand that the virus is not a death sentence anymore and that it possible to have a full life and enjoy the good things about it that poz men has admitted happened when they do converted. Cause I hear much more positive responses than negative.
I thought it was good to know that we had the same experience too and it makes you feel better about yourself by knowing that we’re not alone. I agree that we do get demonised for our interest in the virus by those who don’t fully understand that HIV is not AIDS (but it can lead to it) and there is also medication available for those who want to take it. A lot of people seem to still be focused on what happened during the early days of the HIV/AIDS crisis and I think part of the reason is because of the fear that they are afraid to find out more about it or understand that things are a lot different these days. I have talked to a lot of poz guys and I have heard more positive experiences than negative ones during these conversations, which you have experienced as well from what you have just mentioned.
Good to know that there are gifters who caring and good people…
I have had countless friends die from hiv.. being lied to and contracting it. And also bug chasing thinking that it’ll cause some type of free spirit liberation… in reality it doesn’t.. I watched my friends slowly dissappear over the years. It’s very sad. When you say poz people are happy. Most really aren’t..they just don’t want to be alone and be shun. It’s unbelievable how many “gifters” have tried to tell me how wonderful it is. And I should give in and spread the gift to others. And as I dig deeper most are miserable and are afraid to die alone. I’ve also noticed alot of these gifted are non social in the real world and are recluse and are very unhealthy.. but say they are healthy and happy.. its mostly a front I understand kinks. Trust me. But I Just can’t understand this
Thank you for your comment and for sharing something that is important for any bug chaser to consider. I believe that it’s crucial for anyone who is considering bug chasing to think carefully about the pros and cons and to never rush into anything until it is fully understood. I have also tried to incorporate pros and cons into the articles I write, which is why I appreciate hearing all views regarding bug chasing, gift giving or HIV in general, including differing views, so we can discuss issues and help to create an awareness about what can be expected if one does choose to deliberately become HIV-positive. I have approached many HIV-positive people, whether they contracted HIV intentionally or not to ask for their opinions to see whether what is being said is an accurate reflection of reality. Many may not understand bug chasing, including bug chasers, which is why these articles have been written. It’s important to create a conversation, so every aspect of bug chasing and gift giving can be explored, whether it be good or bad, so I appreciate your contribution to this discussion.
That is an interesting article Jason> It made me realize that I’m ready to become hiv positive
Thanks Alfred and it’s really good to hear the article was helpful to you.
Thanks for this once more well written article. What you are expressing is more or less what I am feeling myself.
Thank you for your comment and I appreciate your nice feedback about this article. The intense thoughts that bug chasing can have over our mind is something only those of us who experience it could understand. I’m sure there are people who would never understand bug chasing and that’s fine, because not everyone is a bug chaser, but for those of us who are, it’s something that remains in our thoughts constantly, which is why trying to figure out why we think this way and what we want to have happen in the future is so important. It’s good to know that we are not alone with these thoughts, because sometimes we do feel alone when it comes to bug chasing, but we exist in locations all around the world, so it’s good for us to acknowledge this and thank you for confirming that you are pretty much feeling the same way about this too.
I’m considering bugchasing and the chance of being hiv + because I’m so tired of using condoms. I haven’t felt sexually free for many years ago. I’m 32 now and been thinking about the bug for 8 years or so. The only time I went to a bareback orgy I was fucked by only 6 men and I couldn’t felt more free. But the day after that I had to take an expensive PEP treatment for a month.
In my country PREP is hard to get. It’s not even legalized. So I can’t either experience a sex life with, at least, barebacking. So bugchasing is on my mind everyday, and is contradictory, i feel that I’m gonna be sexually free but at the same time I don’t really know if that’s what I’m looking for 🙁
Thank you for your comment Lis and for sharing more about your situation. I completely understand you wanting to stop using condoms, as bareback sex feels so much better and is more exciting. You’re in a bit of a tricky situation, because it sounds like you’re not sure whether bug chasing is for you, yet you don’t want to use condoms anymore, which is where PrEP comes in as the perfect solution to this issue. The problem for you is what you have mentioned about PrEP being difficult to get and if it isn’t legal in your location, then it’s not really an option for you. You can buy it online and have it imported, but you almost always need a prescription for this, which is another problem for you. This is why I can understand why you’re considering bug chasing, because having bareback sex is something you want to experience, but at the same time you might want to take control by knowing when you will become infected, because the risk of HIV transmission might be high in your location due to the lack of PrEP availability. This is why some of the early bug chasers chose to become infected with the virus, because they wanted to stop worrying about whether they would become infected by eliminating the anxiety by choosing when they would become infected, as they felt this outcome would be inevitable anyway. With your situation, I think you need to think about the impacts of what being HIV+ would bring to your life to help you decide whether this is something you want to proceed with before taking this step. If you have been thinking about bug chasing for the past 8 years, it sounds like this has become a part of you, and I know this as well, because I have had these thoughts and feelings for just over 15 years (I’m 36 now) and the feelings have never gone away, which makes me believe that I will always feel this way, so I have chosen to embrace this when the time is right. This might be the same for you or it might not be, only you will know the answer to this based on how you feel. Hopefully this has helped with your thoughts and if you have any questions, please take a look at the forums where you can post questions and those of us participating in the forums will be happy to answer any questions you have. Just don’t feel alone, because you are not alone and many of us feel the same way.
Thank you for your kind words. It’s always a pleasure to read you.
You’re welcome Lis and thanks for visiting. 🙂
I am impressed with the thoughtful article and comments. Choosing to become hiv positive is a huge decision and I appreciate the need to think it through. While it was right for me to convert, it’s important to be sure.
Thank you for your comment and kind words about this article Thomas. I appreciate you reinforcing what I have written in the article about it being wise to take your time before making such an important decision, particularly because it sounds as though you are speaking from experience and are happy with the decision you have made. It would be fantastic if we could have a crystal ball to look ahead and see whether the outcome is what we expected it to be, but since this is not an option, we need to do everything we can to consider the pros and cons involved with bug chasing, which can include talking with others about what to expect and weighing everything up before taking the step to chase. It’s really good to hear that converting was the right decision for you and thank you for sharing this.
Thanks for these articles once again.
I feel very identified with everything you say.
I started being attracted to bug chasing a year ago and my mind changed a lot. Before I was afraid of hiv but now that perception has changed. Even my idea of what an attractive man is has changed. Now I find that poz men are the most handsome and I like them more than other men especially those who have biohazard symbol tattoos or scorpions.
I am still in a phase where I am not very sure, but little by little I want to take small steps and who knows if what is a fantasy becomes reality.
Thank you for your kind words about the articles I have published here. The way you have described being attracted to bug chasing is how the thoughts enter your mind and these thoughts then give you a different perspective about the way you view things, like the way you see other men. I believe my attraction has also shifted to guys who are HIV+ and it’s like a magnet exists, where I feel drawn to HIV+ guys and I want to be with them, so it sounds like this is a similar feeling for you as well. The biohazard and scorpion tattoos do add to the attraction, because these symbols of positivity help identify the types of guys we are searching for. Just take your time and don’t rush into anything. I am doing the same and even though I’m almost certain about the outcome I will choose, you need to make sure it’s right for you before taking the final leap. Just keep taking small steps and ask questions if you have any. The forums here are a great place where you can ask questions and there’s some really helpful people here we can learn from. Also enjoy the process and try not to find it too overwhelming, because sometimes worrying about certain things can create blockages that make it difficult for us to achieve clarity. Thanks again for your comment, I really appreciate what you have said.
So very true that one of the important things about bug chasing for me is clarifying where it fits into my life at the moment. Right now, after a few months of being off PrEP and chasing the bug (until monkey pox slowed that chase down) I have taken on a couple projects that I have had to prioritize ahead of my desire to get pozzed. It has not ended my desire for or my quest to become a member of that brotherhood but knowing that conversion does not happen overnight nor without some interruption to a daily routine, I have had to kick that down the road apiece so that when I am lucky enough to have it happen, I will be able to set aside my responsibilities for however long the virus requires of me. Also I will be able to devote more of my daily life and time and thoughts to the pursuit of the bug. It is not without some regret I put this aside for now but with a firm resolve that I shall return to it quickly and with a stronger and firmer resolve.
It’s really good that you have considered the various aspects associated with becoming infected Tom, because becoming infected will most likely interrupt your daily routine for a while once your body starts reacting to the virus as it tries to fight it off. It’s important to acknowledge priorities in our lives and when the time is right, you can look at taking the next step. Sometimes it’s frustrating though, because you might want to make this a priority, but once the time is right, you will be able to focus on taking the next step without having to worry about any competing distractions.
Wise words, Jason. When you know you’re ready to begin the chase, it will be a great relief. But only when you know you’re ready. It’s good on you to have an awareness like that.
Thank you Van. I do think that knowing when the time is right is one of the most important parts of the process, because then you can enjoy the experience with a reduced amount of stress and worry surfacing and getting in the way, where it could become a problem. I appreciate your supportive words regarding this, because sometimes it feels like making a decision is taking too long, but reaching the right decision is what is most important and not how long it takes to get there.
Another well written article Jason!
What turns the mind to be curious HIV infection probably differs with everyone. Once curiousity starts it usually grows, from chaser and gifter posts on twitter or other such media. A fantasy will likely develop, masturbating and getting off to bareback and poz porn. Then in time a craving sets in and a chaser is born.
Thank you Duane. You are right about what makes us curious about HIV is something that differs for each of us. That’s a very good way to describe the stages of becoming a bug chaser, because it really does grow and what you’ve said is spot on. It’s like how a plant the grows from a seed, it starts by being dormant, then once the conditions are right, it sprouts and grows into a mature tree. The stages you have mentioned is the perfect way to describe the sequence that takes us through the bug chasing stages.