Trying to understand the thoughts that keep emerging inside our minds can be one of our biggest struggles when it comes to bug chasing. We use our mind constantly to make all sorts of decisions on a daily basis, so our cognitive function is the most important tool required for decision making, which is why your brain needs to be in the right gear for you to be able to take the next step. When I launched this website a year ago, I decided that the content wasn’t going to be all about me, but I do sometimes allow the articles to explore the way I think, as I try to understand my identity better, because achieving clarity about bug chasing is an important milestone on a bug chaser’s journey.

I feel like the first anniversary of launching this website is the perfect time to think back to the day when I published my first article, which was 50 articles ago and look at where I’m at today. Some of these reflections might have striking similarities for others who are also in a similar position as I am in right now. You might recall that on this exact day one year ago, I published the article Inside My Head: Thoughts from a Curious Chaser. The aim of that article was to put my thoughts onto paper (or an electronic document), so I could look at my thoughts directly in front of me. When thoughts are swirling around inside your mind, it’s easier to calm these thoughts by taking notes so you can see where you’re at.

When something is in front of you in written form, it’s easier for you to focus on what is before you, as all your attention is focused on this one thing, whereas if you keep thinking about the thoughts that are swirling around inside your mind, you won’t make as much progress and it can lead to confusion or an unclear direction you need to take. This is because there’s most likely not just one thing you are thinking about, there are probably many questions entering your mind simultaneously that you’re trying to find answers for. So writing down everything that comes to your mind about bug chasing is my first recommendation, as I have found this technique extremely helpful.

Something else I have found beneficial is to take your time. In the beginning of my journey of self-discovery, I felt as though I needed to rush into making a decision, but in the end, this just created an enormous amount of pressure and it wasn’t helpful at all, which can lead to you taking longer for you to understand yourself. I can appreciate if we make a decision to start actively chasing, then we might think to ourselves that we should have just made this decision a long time ago, but not everyone will make the choice to chase. Some of us who feel spiritually connected to bug chasing might decide that chasing is not for us, or we might not be ready yet, which is perfectly fine as well.

There are two defined steps involved with bug chasing. The first step involves thinking, which can the most stressful part if you are a deep thinker and explore every facet of bug chasing meticulously and the second part involves taking action, whether this action is to commence your chase or to abandon the idea for the time being or even indefinitely. For some people, bug chasing is just a fantasy and that’s perfectly fine, providing those who are role-playing or exploring their fantasies are not misleading anyone into thinking they are actively chasing or wasting other people’s time by misleading or ghosting them. We all need to know where we are at and for some people who feel connected to the virus, taking the risk by becoming HIV+ might not be something that’s right for them.

We all have different comfort levels, which can also impact the speed of the decision making process. Some people are too nervous to ride a rollercoaster, because of the height, speed and intensity of the experience, but for others, they thrive on the adrenaline rush that comes from enjoying the thrill seeking adventure. The same thing can be said about bug chasing, because it involves making a serious decision that can have a lifelong impact, as there’s no cure for HIV at this time, only a treatment that can in most cases provide HIV+ individuals with a life that’s on par with those who are HIV-. We all have different thresholds when it comes to risk analysis, so for some people, they might be more than happy to take a risk and accept what happens afterwards, whereas others are more analytical and want to know as much about what might happen in the future, so we know more about what to expect once it does happen.

On a personal note, in the past year I have come a long way, but I’m still not quite ready to take the next step, which is fine in my opinion, as I still believe in what I want and know will happen in the future. The thoughts that first entered my mind many years ago have never disappeared, so I believe the only way I can fully process these thoughts is to take the next step once I am ready. I am inching closer to the day when I will be confident enough to take the next step, but that time is not today. We only live one life and we are on this planet for a short period of time, so I believe that if I’ve had bug chasing instincts with me for so long, where these thoughts have become a part of my identity and I never act on them, this is something I may regret.

The mind is an extremely powerful part of our body, as it controls our decision making, which then leads to everything else we do from this point forward. You are most likely reading this article because you are connected to bug chasing and have an interest in HIV and you might even be struggling to understand this issue right now. The need to understand why you feel this way is something that just about every bug chaser will experience during their life, which is why we need to do our very best to understand why we have these thoughts and feelings as we try to figure out whether we are prepared to accept the consequences of taking the next step. You cannot move your foot forward to take the next step until your mind tells the key parts of your body to make this movement, which is why it’s so important for you to get your brain into the right gear if you want to take the next step or if you choose to stay where you are.

Featured Photo: Dante T. from Pixabay.
Article ID: CC050
Version Control: 1.0 – October 11, 2022: Original article published.

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July 14, 2024 8:14 pm

This… makes a lot of sense. When i first found out about bugchasing, i really didn’t want to believe it. I was disgusted, even. But then i found myself on twitter, looking at random posts and realizing… huh. I like this. A lot.

And then over the years, it just got more and more intense. As of a couple of months ago, it’s become overwhelmingly intense. But i have to calm myself down and realize that i have to play the long game. Even if it feels right, even if it feels perfect- i need to think logically before doing something like this.

Thank you for putting basically my own thoughts into this post. x)

January 2, 2023 7:12 am

im finding the thought of chasing poz sperm as a most horny thing to do . from this year am going to take loads and

November 7, 2022 2:15 pm

My very first thought after learning about men who get pozzed on purpose was “Why do they do this?” That one thought led me down a road of chatting with chasers and toxic men and as well as people who didn’t search for it but are very happy that it happened and even saying it’s the best thing that’s happened to them. Seeing so many positive responses to becoming poz and especially from gifters who love staying toxic pigs and seeing in my own gay and kink experiences in real time with real life poz men how much of a good thing it became to them changed my point of view to where I started fantasizing about it and over time those fantasies became a desire the more I learned. Now years later I’m to a point where I can’t deny my desires to be a poz pig are real and I want it to happen. Poz men have told me how it changes them for the better especially spiritually and sexually. Some even find being poz to be religious in some ways. That it increases your sex drive by a lot and make you open up to more types of sexual gratification and make so of the sensations more intense like a non stop insatiable natural high. I recently seen a reason article about a scientific study that confirmed that HIV did actually on a scientific level make men hornier and have a more intense experience. They it’s like the HIV does that to actively encourage the riskier sexual behavior within men and its a part of the way HIV naturally progresses by using the men’s sexual body functions and increasing them to the viruses benefit to thrive and be stronger so that makes sense. And poz men seem to love that and I want to experience that and the poz brotherhood connection

November 11, 2022 5:09 am
Reply to  Jason

That’s cool to know you have had the same experience. And no problem this is a good website that talks about the poz community in the correct light cause I feel like the poz community gets demonized because of people’s fear about gift giving and bug chasing. People need to know that there are gifters that are caring and really good people and people need to understand that the virus is not a death sentence anymore and that it possible to have a full life and enjoy the good things about it that poz men has admitted happened when they do converted. Cause I hear much more positive responses than negative.

March 4, 2024 1:11 pm

Good to know that there are gifters who caring and good people…

Never giving in
Never giving in
December 8, 2022 7:11 pm

I have had countless friends die from hiv.. being lied to and contracting it. And also bug chasing thinking that it’ll cause some type of free spirit liberation… in reality it doesn’t.. I watched my friends slowly dissappear over the years. It’s very sad. When you say poz people are happy. Most really aren’t..they just don’t want to be alone and be shun. It’s unbelievable how many “gifters” have tried to tell me how wonderful it is. And I should give in and spread the gift to others. And as I dig deeper most are miserable and are afraid to die alone. I’ve also noticed alot of these gifted are non social in the real world and are recluse and are very unhealthy.. but say they are healthy and happy.. its mostly a front I understand kinks. Trust me. But I Just can’t understand this

October 13, 2022 11:07 am

That is an interesting article Jason> It made me realize that I’m ready to become hiv positive

October 13, 2022 4:07 am

Thanks for this once more well written article. What you are expressing is more or less what I am feeling myself.

October 12, 2022 8:28 pm

I’m considering bugchasing and the chance of being hiv + because I’m so tired of using condoms. I haven’t felt sexually free for many years ago. I’m 32 now and been thinking about the bug for 8 years or so. The only time I went to a bareback orgy I was fucked by only 6 men and I couldn’t felt more free. But the day after that I had to take an expensive PEP treatment for a month.
In my country PREP is hard to get. It’s not even legalized. So I can’t either experience a sex life with, at least, barebacking. So bugchasing is on my mind everyday, and is contradictory, i feel that I’m gonna be sexually free but at the same time I don’t really know if that’s what I’m looking for 🙁

October 14, 2022 9:38 am
Reply to  Jason

Thank you for your kind words. It’s always a pleasure to read you.

October 12, 2022 4:32 pm

I am impressed with the thoughtful article and comments. Choosing to become hiv positive is a huge decision and I appreciate the need to think it through. While it was right for me to convert, it’s important to be sure.

October 12, 2022 12:30 pm

Thanks for these articles once again.
I feel very identified with everything you say.
I started being attracted to bug chasing a year ago and my mind changed a lot. Before I was afraid of hiv but now that perception has changed. Even my idea of ​​what an attractive man is has changed. Now I find that poz men are the most handsome and I like them more than other men especially those who have biohazard symbol tattoos or scorpions.
I am still in a phase where I am not very sure, but little by little I want to take small steps and who knows if what is a fantasy becomes reality.

October 11, 2022 1:15 pm

So very true that one of the important things about bug chasing for me is clarifying where it fits into my life at the moment. Right now, after a few months of being off PrEP and chasing the bug (until monkey pox slowed that chase down) I have taken on a couple projects that I have had to prioritize ahead of my desire to get pozzed. It has not ended my desire for or my quest to become a member of that brotherhood but knowing that conversion does not happen overnight nor without some interruption to a daily routine, I have had to kick that down the road apiece so that when I am lucky enough to have it happen, I will be able to set aside my responsibilities for however long the virus requires of me. Also I will be able to devote more of my daily life and time and thoughts to the pursuit of the bug. It is not without some regret I put this aside for now but with a firm resolve that I shall return to it quickly and with a stronger and firmer resolve.

October 11, 2022 12:01 pm

Wise words, Jason. When you know you’re ready to begin the chase, it will be a great relief. But only when you know you’re ready. It’s good on you to have an awareness like that.

October 11, 2022 11:09 am

Another well written article Jason!

What turns the mind to be curious HIV infection probably differs with everyone. Once curiousity starts it usually grows, from chaser and gifter posts on twitter or other such media. A fantasy will likely develop, masturbating and getting off to bareback and poz porn. Then in time a craving sets in and a chaser is born.